Top Ten John Kerry Excuses


10. Voters were in a fever-induced haze because they couldn't get flu shots.

9. Floridians confused by shockingly unconfusing ballots.

8. Maybe it wasn't best idea to begin speeches with "yo mama is so fat" jokes.

7. The endorsement from Osama Bin Laden didn't exactly help him.

6. "Dude--it's the Curse of the Bambino."

5. Should've campaigned more in New Mexico, less in regular Mexico.

4. Turns out voters think it's hot that Cheney has a lesbian daughter.

3. Thought America was ready for a lunatic first lady.

2. Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly-run war.

1. Was distracted by late night erotic phone calls from Bill O'Reilly.

The "Too Funny For TV" ones

Who cares--I'm full of ketchup money.

Instead of campaign commercials, should've just released a sex tape.

I flipped when I should have flopped.

Overestimated how many voters want a windsurfing president.

Thought election day was December 2nd.

Dumb voters who went to touch screen voting booths and tried to withdraw cash.

Shouldn't have spent October curled up watching Sex and the City DVD's.

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